you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
