I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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