i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
