why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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