Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
