i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize