found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
