There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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