She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
