I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
