so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
