Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
