4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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