Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
