told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
