I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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