I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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