I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
