Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its not stalking. its research.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
