I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this is an emotional support booty call
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
