after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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