I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
