this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
