i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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