I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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