The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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