sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we're making bets on your personal life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
COCAINE IS GR8
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
