Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
