i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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