Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
