so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
