I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
