he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
