Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
