I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
