Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
