So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
