"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
