hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize