So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
