I got chris browned last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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