I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize