Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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