just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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