I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
