The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
