then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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