Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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