Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We have so much sex to catch up on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
