trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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