Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
