strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sarcasm needs its own font
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
