Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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