Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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