if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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