She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize