Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We named our party play list daddy issues
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
