after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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