just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
