Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
