I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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