i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
