did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize