meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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