hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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