Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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