Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
