At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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