Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
