Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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