does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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