I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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