I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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